When I started writing this blog, I decided it was going to be an honest account of my writing journey, with all of the embarrassing or less-talked-about bits as well as the successes. Well today, I'm going to share with you how I feel about my work at the moment and I can sum it up in one word.
I am frustrated with the gap between the work in my mind and the work on the page. Like an artist who can't make her hand paint the image in her mind, I find my words on the page lack the elegance that I dream of. The story - all stories - seem so much richer in my mind.
I'm frustrated at the lack of hours in the day. Writing, if you want to be successful, is a full-time job. Marketing the work you already have out, maintaining an online presence and administrative tasks in relation to your writing combine to make another full-time job. Caring for my family, running my household and meeting my commitments to other people in my life makes another full-time job. So, at the moment, I have three full-time jobs and only one of me. I feel as though all three jobs get only a part of the time and attention that they deserve and that I am not doing everything that I could/should be doing in any of them.
I am frustrated at my lack of knowledge and skill in marketing and social media. There are connections to be made but I'm really not very good at making them. Trying to get Ashael Rising noticed, get it in front of people who will enjoy it and talk about it to others, is something that I'm really struggling with.
I am frustrated about the many stories in my head that I may never get the time to write. And at my own inability to be patient. I have read repeatedly, that the most consistent thing amongst successful authors is that they are prolific - they produce a lot of work. I'm working towards that now with several projects on the go as well as a list of books to write in the future but I'm frustrated by own slow pace.
I think I need to give myself a bit of a break. Perhaps I need to remind myself that I only completed Ashael Rising last year, I immediately found a publisher and went from pitch to publication in less than a year. Everything has happened so quickly and I'm learning on the run. I think I'm scared to pause for breath in case I miss my opportunity. You see, when I started writing, I didn't truly believe that I would get published. Or at least, not for a very long time and by then I'd have lots of work that could be improved upon with my new skill and, of course, I'd have a string of short fiction published before hand so I would already have a reader base.
I have career ambitions - and I believe that's a good thing - but it's unrealistic to expect to meet them straight away. Maybe I need to slow down and enjoy the journey a bit more.
'But what happens to Ashael?' I hear you cry. 'We need book 2!'
I'm getting to it, I promise